What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How does it feel to date your dad?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
