I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
