everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
