just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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