Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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