he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
