i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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