So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
