At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
