Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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