Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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