So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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