he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
