I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize