ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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