You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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