new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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