I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
