For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
