grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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