It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
