Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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