I'm lost and stupid without you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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