Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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