And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
