If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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