Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
