do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
