My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
