I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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