It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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