I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
even my farts smell like vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize