the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
