have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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