Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
