I wish I only lived at night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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