We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
