I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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