operation have a gay friend backfired
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
