Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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