Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
