If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
