Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
