uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
