So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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