I am spending my child support on dildos
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
