oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
