Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
