Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
