i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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