Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This house was built for laser tag.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
