I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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