I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
