wrigley field is MILF paradise
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
