the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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