I feel great
I just peed on a car
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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