Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
