I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
