I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
