I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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