Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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