We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
