I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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