No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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