where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
