No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
