But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize