the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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