Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
