i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
