last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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