he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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