I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
