I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ttyl tear gas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
