It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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