I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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