I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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