I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
