Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
