God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize