she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
