the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
