Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
