So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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