Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
