: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
