Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this beer tastes like vomit already
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize